The 12 Customers Every Restaurant Employee Would Like To Strangle

Image via The Bitchy Waiter
Image via The Bitchy Waiter

Eating is great. And eating at a restaurant is even better – you get to eat dope food, it makes you feel like a classy mofo, and you don’t have to do dishes.

The thing is, your night out isn’t necessarily so great for the person on the other side of the equation. Namely, your server.

Why the disconnect?

Because these days, too many people forget that when you go out to eat at restaurants, it’s not enough to pay your bill. There’s also a certain code of conduct you’re expected to follow.

Starting with one simple rule…

Don’t be a jerk!

Yep, that about covers it!

It’s pretty basic, but for some reason… a lot of restaurant customers still don’t get the memo.

We know you don’t want to be that guy, so we’re not going to leave it at that. We’re going to get into specifics.

Next time you go out to dinner, avoid any behavior that puts you in any of the following categories. Otherwise, you can almost guarantee that someone is going to spit in your food.

…Or poison you. You never know. 

Here are the 12 types of customers who deserve to be banned from every restaurant on the planet.

1. The Alpha Male


We all know that one guy who orders for the entire table and attempts to impress the server with his knowledge of the menu…

And none of us like him.

Unless you’ve discussed the group’s order beforehand, don’t assume you know what people want to eat. Let them speak for themselves. Flexing to your server doesn’t make you cool, it makes you look pretentious.


2. The Wannabe Food Critic


Steak well done when you asked for medium rare? That’s a crime against beef and you have every right to bring it up. And if your wine is corked, by all means, send it back.

But DO NOT pull crap like ‘my gazpacho is cold’ (it’s supposed to be) or ‘I actually wanted the chicken sandwich, not the salmon’ like the server should have read your mind when you pointed to the wrong damn thing.

And if you’re tempted to complain when the dish you ordered isn’t just like the one mom used to make, maybe you should move back into her basement.

Written by Mary McCaw

Mary is a freelance writer and editor. She's based in San Francisco, but lately, home is wherever her suitcase is. If you really are what you eat, she is at least 50% pizza.