The 12 Customers Every Restaurant Employee Would Like To Strangle

7. The Fake ID F*ckwad


Sorry, minors, but liquor laws are a legal thing. Even when you disagree with them.

And guess what? Your server may disagree with them, too. But that won’t stop them from losing their job if they accept your crappy fake ID.

So chill out, order a Diet Coke, and remember that this too shall pass.


8. The Person with an Allergy


Obviously, you can’t help it if you have an honest-to-god allergy.

But, the same way it isn’t your fault that you can’t eat nuts or gluten, it’s not your server’s fault if 99% of the menu incorporates one or both of those things.

Do your research beforehand so you know whether or not the restaurant can reasonably accommodate you, and for f*cks sake, know what you can and can’t eat.


That means that if you’re violently allergic to shellfish, you should know that crab is, in fact, a shellfish. And that maybe you shouldn’t come to all-you-can-eat crab leg night. No matter how awful you are, your waiter still doesn’t want you dying on their watch.

Written by Mary McCaw

Mary is a freelance writer and editor. She's based in San Francisco, but lately, home is wherever her suitcase is. If you really are what you eat, she is at least 50% pizza.