Running shoes? No, I don't run. These are my cake gettin' shoes.
— JC Tarp (@jctwritesstuff) January 15, 2018
Salad is for when you want to eat healthy, but you’re also mad at yourself.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) August 28, 2018
my body: WHAT DO WE WANT?
my brain: SLEEP!
my body: WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
my brain: AT EITHER 2PM OR 3AM
my body: hey wait—
my brain: LITERALLY NO OTHER TIME
my body: no that’s not—
my brain: WE ARE UNWILLING TO COMPROMISE
— keely flaherty (@keelyflaherty) October 18, 2018
after some soul searching (buying clothes i don’t need) i have found that everything will be ok
— joe (@jsphdeal) October 17, 2018
my conscience escorting me to my messages once a week to reply to all the friends i've been ignoring pic.twitter.com/4BtK5ls9Om
— edward colon 🌹 (@poolsideconvooo) October 17, 2018
me reacting to bad things that happen in my life at this point pic.twitter.com/IREE8FPKG9
— 🍣 (@tskedon) October 24, 2018
me: i'm a very private person
me: so i'll start by describing some of my lighter traumas before i get into the real bad stuff
— rav (@Doughbvy) April 30, 2018
Dry shampoo makes me feel like I’m doing a good job at life for exactly one minute
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) May 23, 2018