Smoking weed can be a social activity or it can be something you do alone and then tweet about because you’re so insanely high and need to immediately share your thoughts about birds needing shirts, or whatever. For those of us who are not high, perhaps because we’re at work, it is great to be able to visit the brain of a high person. Keep tweeting, stoners, you’re making all our lives so much better. These are just a big ol’ batch of funny high tweets. Scroll through and laugh until you feel like you’ve smoked.
1. The Stoner Cookbook gets a new entry
Made a sandwich 10 min ago and been looking for it ever since then🤦🏾♂️ I gotta stop smoking😂 pic.twitter.com/NCbNOyvZXe
— Big Guap ❌🦷 (@kensonguapo) March 12, 2018
2. Everybody put your hands in the air and pass the blunt
POLICE: knock knock
DRUG DEALER: who's there
DD: weed who
P: we'd like to come in and arrest you
DD: lol good one, come on in
— Dr. Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) November 15, 2014
3. It is NOT safe to unbuckle your seatbelt
Attention passengers: we have reached a cruising altitude of "high af"
— Emma Garton (@emmagarton) July 20, 2015
4. False advertising isn’t funny high tweets be damned
— The Bearer of Bad News (@bbnsaga) October 19, 2018
5. A story in three parts
i am really stoned lol
— bean (@druglordbean) February 22, 2016
@druglordbean oh shit dat me
— bean (@druglordbean) February 22, 2016
6. The Stone Age Tragedy
I've never given it much thought but what the fuck happened to the dinosaurs. Dead ass. Every single one of them, just gone. What in the hell happened….. #ImTooHigh
— Nord Berry Muffin (@NastyNordy) June 17, 2018
7. I love lamp.
Am I really high, or does this lamp also look really high? pic.twitter.com/8nJJlJyGCi
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) May 6, 2018
8. What can’t pot motivate us not to do?
Me lighting a blunt after a minor inconvenience pic.twitter.com/BBA8kc2vt4
— Stoned 2 the Bone (@stoned2thabones) March 13, 2018
9. Edibles: “Surprise, bitch!”
Me: this edible ain't shit
*one hour later* pic.twitter.com/lP5i7sB2dL
— n (@madsoIar) April 19, 2017
10. Least of two evils
Boss: Are you high?
[Me watching him evaporate] I hope so.
— GoaT FacE (@EndhooS) January 23, 2015
11. When a lawyer gets high
Who is the idiot that called it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
— Terry F (@daemonic3) September 17, 2013
12. The dangers of recreational drug use
please be careful everyone. i lost a friend who smoked weed. he's fine he just got really into doing finger dances to edm with light gloves
— jaboukie (@jaboukie) April 20, 2017
13. Challenge Accepted
When someone questions how much weed you can smoke pic.twitter.com/6k59xC02ZR
— Funny Weed Posts (@FunnyWeedPosts) April 18, 2017
14. Sure, Jan
It's really hard to explain that your eyes are really red from allergies and not weed when you're buying cupcakes and a pound of Doritos.
— Mary, Queen of Thots 🌹 (@SwearySpice) March 19, 2013
15. Just wait and see what shows up in the mail, though
i only go on ebay after i smoke pot that way i'm always the highest bidder thank you check please
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) January 22, 2015
16. A true guard dog
I saved money on car insurance by taking weed edibles and becoming too afraid of the ceramic dog on my front porch to leave the house.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) April 24, 2017
17. But show us the dance you did
Once I got so high I turned off all the lights and played Thriller on my headphones and got so scared I put on my bike helmet just in case.
— Jean Creamery (@kylekinane) April 21, 2012
18. It sounds delicious
Ever get so high you have to turn the volume down on the TV to taste your food?
— Princess Anüs (@Slashleen) March 26, 2011
19. I need to be high to understand this
Ever been so high you realize that you've been watching a movie on TV for 30 minutes, minimized, on the guide screen?
— Scam Likely (@PaulyPeligroso) July 14, 2013
20. It was both
Before I knew what weed was I thought all the cool kids were gesturing to each other about sucking tiny rat dicks behind the school.
— ceej (@ceejoyner) October 2, 2012
21. Of course, some of us are high at work
When you show up to work high AF pic.twitter.com/T4Jan4hh1K
— Carly's Dream (@CarlyGanzz) November 22, 2017
(We see you, Barry Burbank).