These People Turned Down Sex For the Craziest Reasons


Have a good female friend who while extremely intoxicated thought it would be good if we fucked, she is very attractive but the amount of booze she ingested made her extremely unappealing (she thought she was acting sexy as all get out). Next time we hung out she said thanks for being a gentleman and putting me to bed. Then we fucked.


THERE I WAS, in a high school ceramics class, making a whistle or something out of clay. The girl sitting across from me was having trouble with something and asked for my help or for me to do it for her, or something. I said no. “Please?” she said. “No.” “I’ll give you head,” she said with a sort of rising inflection, not like she was making it a question but like she was trying to entice me into helping her. “Uh, suuure you will,” I said, thinking that she was making a joke of some sort. “No, I swear to God I will.” She sounded dead serious. Looking back, I can’t help but think I misheard her, because she said it pretty loudly and it doesn’t seem like something she’d deliberately broadcast to the whole classroom. Then again, maybe I missed out on a blowjob in a high school bathroom stall. THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW.


Had D&D, didn’t want to skip it. I was 17 at the time, and a virgin. I regret nothing. Now I’ve had sex many more times than I’ve played D&D and I wish that number were reversed. D&D is fucking awesome.


I woke up incredibly randy the other night. Woke my SO from her beauty rest and she was down for it. She gets on top, then paused and had to put a pillow between the bed frame and the wall so it wouldn’t make noise. It took for what seemed an ETERNITY for her to do this. I was still more than half asleep and frustrated that she was taking forever, so I decided to push her off, roll over and pass out. The next morning I woke up to her GLARING at me. I thought the whole thing was a dream. She was not happy.

Written by Laura McNairy

Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.