In a tradition which is becoming increasingly outdated, men who are looking to propose are often expected to ask their future in-laws for permission to propose to their significant other. While there’s technically nothing binding about this “yes or no” question, I suppose the idea is that it’s nice and generally important to have your partner’s parents on board with the idea of your marriage.
A recent AskReddit thread wanted to know about the people who don’t get a “yes” from their future in-laws, though. Did they still go through with the proposal and the wedding? Has their marriage been a happy one? Did they parents ever apologize? The answers run the gamut, but as far as I can tell: parental support is nice to have in a marriage, but, depending on your relationship with your parents, it’s far from totally necessary.
12. DamageInc51 didn’t get a “yes,” but things worked out in the end:
My wife’s family were strong southern Baptists and I was some military guy who came from a broken home. The dad instantly didn’t approve of me. Over the course of a year we continued to date and I did my best to be a “suitable” boyfriend. Orders came for me to go to Afghanistan and I knew I was in love and she was for me.
I brought her Dad out to breakfast and asked his permission. He flat out said no because I was not a good enough Christian. I looked at him and told him I didn’t give a shit what he thought and we are going to go through with it. Things got real ugly and he went ballistic on my wife.
He was a verbally abusive person. After the dust settled, we had a small $500 dollar wedding. None of our family was there. We invited six of our good friends and had Jimmy John’s cater. Today is 7 years of our marriage and we are as happy as ever. I married the best women in the world and her dad has apologized about the whole ordeal. Her family loves me now and it all worked out in the end.
11. lefthander’s fiancée’s parents knew what was coming before the happy couple did:
Got married anyways. Got divorced a year later. Should’ve listened.
10. ThisIsNowAUsername wasn’t going to take “No” for an answer:
Friend of mine was told, “No.” Her family had never met him and didn’t know who he was, so it was reasonable. He honored their disagreement and proceeded to, “Date her dad.” Took him out to eat and talk once a week for 6-8 weeks. After that, dad gave his approval.
9. zandyman got a “no” that meant well:
He didn’t say “no,” but he told me “look, it’s great with me, but it’s not going to happen. She’s never getting married.”
Just passed 4 years, but it did take me a couple of years to get her to say yes.
8. coshjollins sounds like they’ve got some delightful in-laws:
My in-laws told me yes but sarcastically. I Just acted like i thought they where serious.
7. Moonskin510 sounds like they dodged a bullet, honestly:
I was dating my girlfriend for 5 years before I went to her parents to ask what they would think of me proposing to their daughter. After they told me no, I let them know that I would take their opinions into consideration. I then told them that I was coming to them to make them aware of my intentions to propose, rather than truly asking for permission.
They didn’t like that very much. By the time I finally proposed to my girlfriend, they had taken it upon themselves to tell her all of the reasons why an engagement to me would be a bad idea, and why she should stay single. She said yes to my proposal, but was so conflicted that she changed her mind about half an hour afterwards. She broke it off with me just a few months later.
6. programmingMoose pretty much just smacked down his future in-laws:
I asked for their blessing and they said no. I let them know it was just a courtesy and that it wasn’t actually going to change anything.
5. vatreehugger’s in-laws just didn’t know when to stop saying “no”:
Well, they were upset and disapproving because I had already gotten her pregnant. They said she needed to leave me and have an abortion. When it became too late for that they said she needed to leave me and give the baby up for adoption.
After the baby was born they said she needed to leave me and move back in with them and let them help her raise it. The baby was seven months old when the wedding happened.
Then they made one more effort by recruiting her sister to help convince my wife to divorce me and take the child (back to their home, of course).
Almost a decade later and now there are four kiddos and my wife’s parents complain that we don’t come see them enough and they can’t figure out why we seem to like spending time with my parents more than them.
4. punkwalrus’ story is sweet but heartwrenching:
My wife grew up with a single mom. I asked her permission. She sighed and told me, “she won’t make you a good housewife. She hates cleaning, she cooks okay, but I spent my life telling her that school is number one and never got her to lose weight, act like a woman, or anything feminine. If you want my blessing, you better accept she will never cook or clean for you.”
I replied I was marrying a human being, not a slave. She went,”okay then. You’re a good man, a brave man, but the best boyfriend my daughter ever dated, so …”
We were married 25 years before my wife died from sarcoidosis. Mom was right, she was a terrible housekeeper, but an amazing partner. I miss her every day.