Posted on: Aug 23 2017

21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind

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Image via Giphy

Celebrities — they’re just like us! They like butt stuff and do porn and sell drugs and make fools of themselves whenever they drink too much at their friend’s birthday party and we always forget that because we’re too busy fawning over them and their seemingly “perfect” lives. But in reality, famous celebs have deep, dark, NSFW secrets just like the rest of us!

Like, we all know Tom Cruise is a crazy person who’s devoted his entire life to the equally crazy church, Scientology — but it’s even crazier to think about the ladies he’s tried to convert. Scarlett Johansson knew when to get the f*ck out after Cruise tried to take her on a “date” with his big teeth and a room full of upper-level Scientologists. Katie Holmes, on the other hand, wasn’t so smart. Watching reruns of Dawson’s Creek just isn’t the same now.

It might seem petty to dig and pry into the lives of famous people that you don’t know, but hell — I could read about Michael Fassbender and Jon Hamm’s huge penises all day, every day. Just google pics, you’ll thank me later. D*cks aside, after reading this article about facts that are almost probably 95% true, you can feel confident lending your own gossip and information at the water cooler at work. Bob will definitely thank you when you tell him about Aaron Carter’s sex life. Maybe.

These are 21 NSFW celebrity facts that will shock the sh*t out of you:


1.

In 1978, Tim Allen was arrested in the Kalamazoo-Battle Creek International Airport for possession of over 650 grams (1.4 lb) of cocaine. He subsequently pleaded guilty to drug trafficking, and provided the names of other dealers in exchange for a sentence of three to seven years, instead of possible life imprisonment. He was paroled on June 12, 1981 after serving 2 years in prison.

2.

Tom Cruise wanted to bang Scarlett Johansson (long-term banging) and offered her the lead role in M:i:3 as a guise to lure her into the Scientology cult. He arranged a meeting for her at a secluded place and took her on a tour of the place, introducing her to various members holding higher position and according to ScarJo, didn’t even offer her as much as a cookie the entire time. She was young and was intimidated by the event that she told her agent to back out of the deal and when Cruise and party called them to move forward with a contract or something, they never heard back.

3.

I won really good tickets to a Lakers game a few years back. They were almost courtside. However, about haflway through the game we noticed something on the other side of the court: Jack Nicholson, drunk as hell, just going to town scratching his balls. I mean, he was really getting in there and loving life. It was a hell of a sight to behold.

4.

When Aaron Carter came to my college in 2013 or so, he apparently gave his hotel room number to like two dozen girls. Or honestly, probably more, but two dozen showed up. A girl I knew was one of them. Apparently they all waited outside his room for a pretty long time before they realized he’d passed out a while back and wasn’t going to answer the door.

5.

Michael Fassbender has such a large dick that he has to have his outfits altered to accommodate for it.
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