Collections of our favorite texts from TextsFromLastNight.com
There’s nothing worse than ripping the clothes off of someone you’re about to bang and realizing that they’re sporting a portrait chest tattoo of Frodo and friends. Actually, I digress — being the guy WITH the sh*tty tattoo is way worse. Way to kill the mood, bro. Whether it’s that terrible tattoo of Donald Duck on your ass, […] More
Traveling is just the best. You are experiencing places you always imagined, and are far away from the stresses of your every day life. You also are surrounded by strangers, so you can let loose and get a little crazy without the fear of your promiscuity and sloppiness reaching home. It’s the time to bang people with […] More
They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. But does it really? Maybe you got married to that really nice stripper when you were blackout drunk. Or maybe you got annihilated at the Bellagio, won $3000 and then blew it all on cocaine and are passed out in a fountain right now. You may […] More
Sorry to break it to you dudes, but size matters. Usually, a lady likes a guy with a large member, or sometimes slightly above average will do. But sometimes a big d*ck will scare a lady off. And if you have a small dong, surely there is a person out there looking for just that. […] More
Sometimes your Uber or Lyft rides are pretty basic. You get in, exchange pleasantries, and then hop along on your merry way. But sometimes you are drunk AF and embarrass yourself. Maybe you drunkenly started crying or you’re riding home in slutty walk-of-shame attire. Other times you just end up with the most ridiculous driver […] More
Having your cherry popped, finally getting that D wet, rounding home base — yep, your first time in the sack is a huge (awkward, uncomfortable, funny, embarrassing, nerve-racking) milestone in life. When you’re younger, you dream of the night when you’ll lose your V card. It was always going to be with your boyfriend that you […] More
Having sex with more than one person at a time can prove to be quite the tricky experience, but once you figure out the logistics, it can be a hell of a lot of fun. Threesomes are kind of like sloppy, sticky, and (usually) drunk games of Twister — right hand on red! Left hand on butt! […] More
Whether you get kicked out of a bar, a restaurant, your girlfriend’s bed, or a Barnes and Noble for putting all of the bibles in the fiction section (#sorrynotsorry), we can all agree that getting kicked out can be pretty f*cking embarrassing. We hang our heads low with shame and defeat while we make our […] More
There are two kinds of people in this world: those that spit, and those that swallow. Let’s face it, everyone prefers a swallower. Yeah, maybe the dude that busted has some funky tasting spunk, but it can be mad awkward if after such an intimate moment you grab a trash can and spit all those […] More
“DAMN YOU AUTOCORRECT” should be considered one of the quotes that defines our generation. We needs the precious, ’cause sum of us can’t spell fo sh*t. But a lot of the time it only hurts our ability to communicate effectively. You know you’ve done it. You’ve trusted autocorrect, because it’s been faithful to you in […] More
There is a classic saying, I think it traces back to Shakespeare or maybe even Chaucer, but anyways, the saying goes “once you go butt, you never go back.” Since the dawn of time, people have always wanted to put their d*ck somewhere warm and tight. Whether that be a warm apple pie or a […] More
Ah, the art of karaoke — getting up in front of a room full of strangers, belting out your favorite Beyoncé song while drunkenly stumbling your way through the “Single Ladies” dance routine, and hoping to GAWD that you don’t make an utter fool of yourself on stage. But I mean, that’s the point, right? You […] More
