Collections of our favorite texts from TextsFromLastNight.com
“A cat is a friend with fur. A cat is a pillow that hugs you back. Cats are the croutons on the salad of life. A cat is an angel that poops in a box.” Cats are adorable and make awesome, pretty low-maintenance pets. People that have cats love them to death, and treat their […] More
We’ve all been there. You’re hard-core gettin’ your bang on and that ish gets wet n’ wild. Then, suddenly, that D slips into that B and you’re just like “WRONG HOLE”. Sure, on the reg, that blessed B isn’t “wrong” (if the booty is wrong, I don’t wanna be right). But when your goal is […] More
If you don’t binge eat when you’re drunk, you’re failing at life. Binge eating is always fun, but drunk or high, it’s just the most satisfying thing in the world. I’d venture to say, at times, better than sex. But we are all guilty of the numerous drunk eating faux pas. You pass out somewhere […] More
Old people are the greatest. They are wise and adorable and you just want to sit around and learn from them and soak up all that you can. Well, not all old people are the same. Some of them don’t act the way they are traditionally “supposed” to act, and definitely don’t act their age. […] More
Balls rule! They are precious commodities, and everyone should treat them like the sacred jewels that they are. Unfortunately, not all people do. Some people do some weird ass sh*t to balls, either their own or other peoples. Sure, sometimes the weird things are attempts at soothing them after enduring some painful AF sh*t to […] More
Mmmmmm…. showers. That nice hot water, rubbing yourself squeaky clean.. is there anything better? Oh yeah, sex. But put sex AND the shower together, and you’ve got yourself the world’s most wonderful combination. Shower sex is just the tits. You can’t make a mess with your special juices, and you’re getting your O on while […] More
We’ve all faked an orgasm before. We’re either exhausted, realize we aren’t going to cum, or the sex is so unbearably terrible that we just want it to be over. But depending on who the sex is with, or just your personality, we all treat faking it differently. We either feel a tad guilty for lying […] More
Some people just don’t know how to treat a woman’s lady parts. They think it is some scary puzzle with a lot of complicated parts that they just cannot seem to fathom. Well, it’s really not all that complicated. You see, there is one key on the lady box that will unlock the oohhhhest of […] More
We’ve all found things in places they don’t belong. Your keys are in your tool box, or your phone is in your washing machine. Yeah, it sucks, but it happens, and it’s not THAT weird. Well, have you ever found something in your body that just should not be there? I’m not talking condoms in […] More
Everyone has that one celebrity they’d bang if they were given the chance. Hey, some of you may even have celebrity bang lists with your significant other. But it’s rare for someone to actually meet a celebrity and then get them in the sack. But there are actually people out there that are getting it […] More
Being asked to be a wingman is a true honor. Your friend respects you enough to entrust you with helping them get laid. Really, it’s the single-persons equivalent of being asked to be a best man or maid of honor. So if you’re asked to be a wingman (or wingwoman), take that job seriously. Try […] More
Guys know that nothing hurts more than a swift kick or punch in the nuts. It’s a great move when it comes to self-defense, but a cruel move if it’s being done as a joke. YOU HEAR THAT GREEN MAN? But there are worse things men should fear when it comes to their precious jewels. […] More
