Alright, confession time: ever since my younger brother was born, whenever I broke something in the house, I blamed it on him. He couldn’t defend himself since I was seven years older and it took a while to form sentences before he could actually prove I was lying. It worked for quite a long time and I definitely got away with a lot when we were younger. Those were the good ol’ days.
I’m sure we’ve all been there, though. Little white lies here and there can’t hurt too much, right? No one wants to admit that they were the one to let out a “silent but deadly” fart in the elevator, so you point fingers to the awkward guy next to you, of course. The more they’re looking down at the the floor and unaware of the situation, the better.
If only there were a lie detector that’s the equivalent of the chemical in public pools that automatically call you out if you pee in the pool. This handy gadget would get a bunch of older siblings, white lie tellers, and crop dust farters in trouble. Someone ought to come up with this device and patent it, pronto.
These 27 people blamed others for some ridiculous things they’ve done:
1.
I used to look up a lot of weird porn while growing up, mostly out of basic curiousity. I always used the Opera browser, which didn’t even have a shortcut on the desktop. My family used Internet Explorer, so I felt pretty safe without erasing my browsing history from multiple rounds. Anyway, lo and behold my mother asks me to the computer one day with the latest website up and running. Of course, she asked me if it was mine. Told me she wouldn’t be mad, not to lie, etc. Well, what was a boy to do staring at his mother and some far-from-tasteful pornography on the computer? Stone-cold, I said I’d never seen it before. Later that day/week, it become fodder for a fight between my parents. My dad was accused of looking up sick sh*t on the computer and he had no idea what she was talking about.
2.
In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog…
3.
When I was in eighth grade, a science-fair project was mandatory for passing eighth-grade science and, subsequently, middle school. We had the entire second half of the school year to work on our projects. When it came down to it, I didn’t do a project. The morning the projects were due, the students set them up in the auditorium. I proceeded past the auditorium and into the school and into my homeroom class. My science class was the last class I had that day. The teacher had spent most of her day grading her students’ projects. I had spent all day with my stomach in knots, regretting the horrible decision I had made, wondering if I’d be held back just because I hadn’t done one stupid project. In class, she one-by-one called the students to her desk so she could tell each student his or her grade. “This is your grade”, she said. Befuddled, I respond with, “I got an A?” She said I did a really good job and I didn’t question it. I found out afterward each teacher had an assigned area and each student had a table within his or her teacher’s area. Somehow, someway, some project (and a good one at that) ended up on my table in my teacher’s area. Essentially, one of the worst things I did was non-actively steal another kid’s project and blame myself for how awesome it was.
4.
There was a really irritating, mouthy kid on the bus I rode. He would sit right behind the bus driver and talk shit to everyone every day. Second to last day of school, I took a bottle of disappearing ink and drenched him with it on my way off the bus. Much horror and screaming from both him and the bus driver. Last day of school, took a cartridge of real ink from a fountain pin and squirted that shit all over him. He lol’d, bus driver lol’d. I would give anything to have been there when the truth dawned on them both…. Didn’t really blame anyone, but got away with it
Irvi Torremoro is an Austinite by way of Las Vegas. She's worked in various outlets in food & beverage and is now focused on writing, eating all the things, talking about Beyonce, and petting all the puppies. She runs flavorandbounty.com, a lifestyle blog about people in the service industry.
