In a tradition which is becoming increasingly outdated, men who are looking to propose are often expected to ask their future in-laws for permission to propose to their significant other. While there’s technically nothing binding about this “yes or no” question, I suppose the idea is that it’s nice and generally important to have your partner’s parents on board with the idea of your marriage.
A recent AskReddit thread wanted to know about the people who don’t get a “yes” from their future in-laws, though. Did they still go through with the proposal and the wedding? Has their marriage been a happy one? Did they parents ever apologize? The answers run the gamut, but as far as I can tell: parental support is nice to have in a marriage, but, depending on your relationship with your parents, it’s far from totally necessary.
17. Seems as though both men in this situation did the right thing:
A buddy of mine broke up with his girlfriend after she came home drunk six hours before they were supposed to leave town to move. She slept in, woke up and her stuff was in a different truck. She was originally confused as to why this happened, then he told her that her actions last night proved they weren’t going to work out.
There were a lot more factors, but suffice it to say she had a history of being unstable, reckless, and inconsiderate. She called her dad, cried hysterically, and he sped over. Her dad was an alcoholic, but one of the rare ones who doesn’t really have anger issues.
He could still be a little unpredictable, so my buddy was on high alert. Her dad shows up, hops out of the car, goes up to my buddy… And gives him a hug. He told my buddy later when she was out of earshot that he was the best thing that would ever happen to his daughter, and that he was amazed that they stayed together for even past one month (they were dating 2.5 years).
TL;dr- Dad said “Good that y’all broke up, you’re too good for my daughter.”
16. This man’s story is too devastating for words:
I was in Afghanistan. I called her dad from the USO tent one night and asked him what he thought about me doing it at the airport when I got home after a 7mo deployment. He said it was an awful idea and that we were too young (21/19).
I told him I was disappointed, but that I would respect his wishes and talk to the family about it when I got home. She ended up cheating on me and breaking up with me over the phone 2 weeks before I got home. We got back together briefly after I returned home, but it didn’t last because of the cheating.
She then went on to have a crippling heroin addiction and OD’d at least 3 times. I’m now 31 and very happily married to a woman that has never cheated on me and I can’t even fathom the possibility of anything like that happening.
While I guess you could say I dodged a bullet, I am devastated that drugs consumed her life. I truly loved her.
EDIT: A lot of people think the dad maybe knew something was up and was being a bro. I can’t really explain it, but nothing about his tone or demeanor was indicative of that. He was more angry and incredulous.
15. His fiancée’s parents could see the future:
Got married anyways. Got divorced a year later. Should’ve listened.
14. Sometimes, it just doesn’t work out.
This is going to sound very cliche, but here goes… I’m a good bit older and wiser now, so my answer is much different than it would have been if you asked me 10 years ago.
We just weren’t right for each other. In our high school years we were best friends and when we dated things were great. When we got married we weren’t in the best financial situation and then things were weird with her dad after the proposal snub.
So we were broke and living a tiny ass apartment. The romance started to fade rather rapidly. My family and her family hated each other (why her dad said no) so we kind isolated ourselves from our families. Eventually, I think we started to resent each other for it.
It didn’t take long to turn into a total sh*tshow after that.
13. Sometimes, it does!
When my great grandfather asked for my great grandmothers hand in marriage, her parents declined because they needed to keep her as a farm hand and her getting married would mean she moved away. So they got pregnant.
Her parents had to allow the marriage then to save face!
12. This guy didn’t get a “yes,” but things worked out in the end:
My wife’s family were strong southern Baptists and I was some military guy who came from a broken home. The dad instantly didn’t approve of me. Over the course of a year we continued to date and I did my best to be a “suitable” boyfriend. Orders came for me to go to Afghanistan and I knew I was in love and she was for me.
I brought her Dad out to breakfast and asked his permission. He flat out said no because I was not a good enough Christian. I looked at him and told him I didn’t give a shit what he thought and we are going to go through with it. Things got real ugly and he went ballistic on my wife.
He was a verbally abusive person. After the dust settled, we had a small $500 dollar wedding. None of our family was there. We invited six of our good friends and had Jimmy John’s cater. Today is 7 years of our marriage and we are as happy as ever. I married the best women in the world and her dad has apologized about the whole ordeal. Her family loves me now and it all worked out in the end.
11. How very, very brave:
My Grandad told my Dad he wouldn’t let him marry my Mum. He went to the shed and got his shotgun and my Dad left. He married her anyway. Balls o’ steel.
10. This persistent groom-to-be wasn’t going to take “No” for an answer:
Friend of mine was told, “No.” Her family had never met him and didn’t know who he was, so it was reasonable. He honored their disagreement and proceeded to, “Date her dad.” Took him out to eat and talk once a week for 6-8 weeks. After that, dad gave his approval.