All too often we talk about red flags, and how important it is to heed them. But how about the behaviors people say are “red flags,” but are in fact just the result of someone going through a hard time, or the presence of differing but compatible personalities, or behaviors that can be overcome with a little bit of love and hard work? What about “red flags” like those?
U/AquaEPyro asked the Reddit community, “Spouses and partners of Reddit, what red flags are you glad you ignored?” The resulting thread is a must-read.
25. Their family:
Her 3 kids. At first I was like “Ehhh I dunno about this…” All it took was one hug and it changed to “Okay I can live with this.”
24. Lack of confidence:
When on our second date he was super nervous and giving me some real timid-guy vibes. He was doing this thing where he would look at me and nervously bite his lip. At the time I had only ever dated super macho, very confident men. It was a real turn off and I distinctly remember thinking ‘ugh ok just get through this date’.
BEST DECISION EVER 6.5 years later he is my husband, and the best thing that ever happened to me. He is just the best thing in the world and I couldn’t give a shit about those type A guys I used to go for. I’m so glad I ended up with him because he’s exactly what I need. He’s way braver and more confident in himself than the kind of men I thought I was into. And his lip biting thing when he’s nervous is rare and super cute. I really love my husband. Gonna go tell him again.
EDIT: wow you guys are so sweet, I had no idea so many people would relate to our story. Husband thinks we are famous now. He has just taken off his trousers in the hallway, yelled ‘I don’t remember, stop asking me!!’, given me a kiss and gone upstairs to play on his PlayStation. Love is real, guys.
23. Different levels of education:
my wife is super smart and im pretty average. shes doing incredible things in school and i didnt even graduate. shes really intimidating. she looks past that and recognizes what im good at and praises me for them. shes the best.
22. Seeming to go nowhere, fast:
He had severe depression, no job, had dropped out of uni, lived at home with his parents, and on meeting him, clearly autistic. He’s f*cking wonderful. The kindest, gentlest man I’ve ever met. He works so hard to overcome so much all the time, despite it being so difficult for him.
He supports me through everything unquestioningly, put in hours of effort to help me through my degree and professional exams, and when i was pushing for promotion. He always has time for me, no matter what. We’ve been together 8 years, married for 6 years. He got his degree through distance learning and is now doing a masters and has a job.
He achieved so much and he just needed some love and support to get there. I’m so f*cking lucky to have him.
21. Their stressed out personality:
How she’d worry over the smallest things. Anything that went wrong (dentist, food going off, traffic, not having enough time to wash her hair) would send her into a panic and put her in a foul mood that could last for hours. I’m the exact opposite. Completely laid back. If the dentist doesn’t have good news I’ll accept it and not worry, if food goes off I’ll pop down to the shops and grab some more and if we’re late because of traffic that’s just how it goes.
I thought her moods would be the thing to end us, to slowly wear down my patience to a point where I’d stop trying to comfort, reassure and calm her down.
I was wrong.
Reader, I’ve never been happier. And we’re good for each other. I can calm her down and she can make me care about things I didn’t used to think were a big deal but ultimately are. We work so well together.
20. A common theme, it seems:
She’s very susceptible to stress. I have a much higher threshold and was afraid she would have a negative impact on my ability to deal with things.
Turns out that it was good for her to have someone that stays calm in almost every situation, as it was good for me to have someone that is not expected to act like a machine in a stressful situation.
19. Or their super calm one:
I mistook my husband’s relaxed attitude with not caring. Nope. He really is that easy going. Now I love his even temperament. Some times is annoying but is mostly calming.
18. Their mental health history:
When I met my wife and we became more and more intimate, she opened up to me and told me, she didn’t want to have secrets from me. She then proceeded to tell me the story how she had spent some time in a psychiatric clinic recently and what she had been through.
I was a little bit scared first, but she managed to convince me that she had made a full recovery. She told me she went full jackpot with me and risked me getting up and leaving her, but she didn’t want to build our relationship on a lie. We have been married for 15 years now and she’s the love of my life.
17. Suspect truck decor:
First date: He had a manchete on his truck seat and two ropes on the floor. “I’m sorry, I’ve been to the ranch and I was cutting weeds.”
Little did I know…there were also two shovels under the back seat. He is a biologist and he will hunt down plants.
16. Seemingly incompatible life visions:
We are the complete opposite. I love to flit around, not staying anywhere too long and live in the short term without any kind of planning on impulse. She hates the idea of being without a long term plan and knows exactly what she wants to do with the rest of her life.
She has managed to help me sort out some kind of realistic path for the rest of my life (our lives), and I’ve managed to get her on a rough planned tour of SE Asia (keep going till the money runs out). We have managed to develop the parts of our personalities that made life difficult for us, and each individually blossomed as a pair.
We are currently on our way to Malaysia, and I’ve managed to stash a ring in my back pack. She makes me excited for the rest of my life.
15. An age gap:
Both of our families were worried the 7 year age gap would be a big hurdle to overcome (I was 20 and she 27). 11 years together and 5 years married, it’s never been an issue!
14. Their job choices:
When I met him, my husband had just closed his comic book store. I had a few people who didn’t know him at all tell me that he was a loser because he had a comic book store and that “type” never does well in life.
I knew his store closed for reasons out of his control (business partner for cancer, sold the store to pay for treatment) and that he was seriously depressed about it. No one else seemed to see the man I did and I felt like I was stealing him. Legit the most generous, kindest, funniest, smart-ass dude I’ve ever met.
I’m glad I ignored them because I doubt I could find a better partner in life. There’s been a lot of shit thrown at us but we have navigated it together. I love him and despite how much the rest of my life sucks, my marriage is resilient and healthy.
13. Their sense of humor:
My spouse’s very weird and unusual sense of humor. I was afraid he was mentally unstable. He would draw weird cartoons, mimic people’s voices and mannerisms (creepily accurate) and tell the craziest stories.
Turns out he’s just f*cking hilarious and he usually keeps me belly laughing once a week.
