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21 Married Couples Confess What Their Wedding Night Was Really Like

13.

I had a huge dress on. We had been drinking for hours we ran into our room had a decent quicky, ran out into the hallway where I declared in a loud drunken whisper “I don’t have panties on” while following our friends to an after after wedding party in another hotel room. Turns out my mom was behind me and howled with laughter, hugged me told me I was the perfect daughter, handed me a bottle of whiskey and sent me off with my husband to brew a wicked hangover.

14.

I was 8 months pregnant when we got married. I fell asleep around 10 and my husband stayed up watching tv. I expected him to come in after a few hours so we could…. consummate our marriage. Nope. I woke up around 2:30 and he was still watching tv. I went to the bathroom whined we didn’t have sex and then went back to bed. I couldn’t fall asleep and so I leaned over to grab my iPad to read and that’s when my water broke. 7 hours later we had our son.

15.

We got back to the hotel with a bottle of Rye I’d snatched from the wedding, I spent 15 minutes standing with my sweltering hot dress crumpled around my knees, pulling pins and shit from my hair while my husband ran the jacuzzi. Then we got in the jacuzzi, had awesome sex, drank some of the rye and smoked a j (a gift from a groomsman). Having not eaten all day due to stress/nerves, we realized we were STARVING, and ordered Chinese food from the only place open at 4 am. We had more sex while waiting for food, then gorged ourselves on delicious chinese food and fell asleep watching Wayne’s World. It was actually awesome.

16.

She wore sexy underwear and we had sex in front of a large window in our hotel room. Then we watched some netflix and continued to get smashed. I would rate the sex as significantly better than the time during the 24 hours I decided a hitler mustache would be a good idea but still somewhere below the time I was too drunk to do anything but shout “oh my god” while she rode me. Hope that helps.

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.