Collections of our favorite texts from TextsFromLastNight.com
One night stands can go one of two ways. Either you wake up and realize you’ve made a grave mistake and try to get the f*ck out of there ASAP (call me a Lyft plz). OR you give yourself a congratulatory high five because DANG — they’re actually chill and hot and aren’t making things weird. […] More
Sex when you’re in love is incredible. You got all those mushy feelings and are just totally satisfied. But although there is passion, there isn’t much risk. Honestly, even if you choke or get rough with a loved one, you tend to feel a little guilty or think to yourself “is this f*cked up?” Well, […] More
Relationships fade, but wine is forever. Well, until it runs out and you have to go buy another box tomorrow night. First world problems, amirite? The art of drinking wine comes in many variations — you can pair it with delicious cheeses, you can buy that fancy bottle at dinner for your anniversary, and you […] More
Got a George W. Bush down there? Need to tame that sucker? Well, why go for the usual shave when you can get a little creative? Some people have taken the opportunity to change their everyday routines, and let their creativity flourish. They turn their food into beautiful creations, and some even do some creative landscaping […] More
Sexting is wonderful. Seriously, if you’ve been part of a hot text exchange, then you probably look back fondly, and maybe even took a screenshot so that you’d always remember that magical moment. But sexting takes some level of skill. You have to know how to gracefully start and finish without being hella awkward or using […] More
BLOODY HELL should be the term used to describe period sex. It is a hellscape comprised of a lonely unfertilized egg. So yeah, combine that with some swimmers and you’ve got yourself a dope party! Seriously, periods suck so much. Sure, ladies are horny AF during their time of the month (and our tits look […] More
Masturbating is the best. That’s ’cause nothing in the world beats the big O and cumming so hard you feel it everywhere. People that masturbate normally do it to things like porn, Victoria’s Secret catalogs, and pictures of their boo or ex-boo (normal, yet really sad). But some weird AF mofos masturbate to the strangest things […] More
Your birthday is the best day of the year. You know why? ‘Cause it’s the one day where it is all about you. Maybe you take advantage of your birthday by asking for gifts and throwing yourself a party. Well, the only birthday party that matters is the party in your pants. This year, spend […] More
There’s something so primal about getting f*cked/f*cking someone from behind. You’re banging like the savage animal that you are — pulling hair, getting pounded, and losing all control. It’s the bomb.com. You don’t have to worry about awkwardly staring into someones eyes and it’s also a great way to bypass a lover with bad breath. Take […] More
Giving or receiving road head is a pretty tricky feat. Either you’re getting your knob slobbed on and you have to concentrate on not driving off the road and killing yourself as well as the person who’s sucking your D — OR, you have to find the perfect angle, reach, and maneuver to make that blow […] More
Bacon in the morning, bacon in the evening, bacon at dinner time. When bacon’s on more bacon, you can have bacon anytime! Okay, so that’s just the Bagel Bites theme song, but really, bacon definitely needs it’s own jingle. So, America — let’s get on it. You can honestly put bacon on anything and it will […] More
Have you ever talked to someone and thought to yourself, “okay, this has to be an act, no one is this stupid.” Well, turns out some people are. Some peeps have the brains of children and still don’t understand things that a 9-year-old would know. For example, you and I both know not to sniff […] More
