If you’re deep in the throes of dating, then you know that it can be rough out there. Even if you do feel like you make a connection with someone, there a totally plausible chance that they’ll bail on your second date and never speak to you again. (Sorry, but it’s true! The world is full of assh*les!) Sure, you might meet someone great—but that certainly doesn’t mean that you won’t have to trudge through some extremely awkward chitchat first.
Okay I have a confession to make- I once held my own Bachelorette contest where I matched with a bunch of guys on tinder, went on dates with them and slowly eliminated the ones I didn’t like. It was the most dramatic season yet and no one got the final rose
— E$ (@erinlyman36) June 25, 2018
If she’s making eye contact while slowly putting her hair in a ponytail you’re either going to die or get a blow job.
— Tater ?? (@TrueTorontoGirl) June 22, 2018
so no one told you life was gonna be this way pic.twitter.com/V6FnrtENtE
— nurse ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) June 25, 2018
FRIEND: Just don’t be awkward on the first date.
ME: Awkward? I’m never awkward.
[on the date]
ME: Will you walk me to the bathroom?
— Consider John Frazzled (@FrazzleMyGimp) June 26, 2018
if you’re on a date and really not feeling it, say “poultry bosom” when ordering the chicken breast and the other person will just leave
— The Hype (@TheHyyyype) July 9, 2018
girlfriend: don’t tell my dad we have sex, he freaks out that i’ll get pregnant
her dad: hey bud you coming inside?
me: [clearly panicking] what no, i would never
— cory (@_coryrichardson) July 17, 2018
[lying in bed after sex]
Sorry for all the screaming, I’m afraid of the dark
— Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42) September 2, 2017
[on a romantic dinner date]
girlfriend: *takes some of my fries*
me: *quietly puts engagement ring back into my pocket*
— yabkat (@ohen39) December 1, 2017
Oh. My. God. pic.twitter.com/lM5Wffh12p
— Brian Doyle (@WritePlay) June 25, 2018
[into walkie talkie during sex] I’m getting ready to penetrate, over
Her: um, this isn’t working for me
You gotta push the button, over
— Piece (@Piecezilla) December 30, 2015