dating

29 Women Admit Cringeworthy Encounters with a Penis

5.

First time I ever encountered a penis in the wild, Boyfriend was sitting on the couch and I was reaching for it. I imagined it being like, yaknow, anatomical diagrams, da Vinci’s drawings, etc. with the penis hanging between his legs. I was entirely unprepared for seeing that little f*cker staring right back at me. He was hard, so it was pointing upwards. This is logical. I still was not prepared and was honestly really freaked out. I tucked it right back into his pants and we watched a movie. I had to work up my courage to actually touch it next time.

6.

My ex boyfriend stuck it in my belly button. I was like what the f*ck are you doing. So awkward.

7.

I was a virgin for a very long time, so my first time seeing a penis in person was during an anatomy class. Based on diagrams I had seen of the internal anatomy, which showed the testes as two separate entities residing in (what appeared to be) their own sacs, I was operating under the assumption that there were two scrotal sacs. We were dissecting the genital region, and the males on my team were unwilling to do it. So I was designated to be the dissector of the day. I start pulling out the scrotal sac, and find only one. Confused, I looked up at the guys and said (I sh*t you not), “I think he has a fused scrotum. He only has one sac.” One of them leaned in, with a patient look on his face, and informed me, “That is normal.” The rest of the guys just turned their back on me and shook silently with laughter. I was mortified.

8.

New boyfriend, decide to have sexytimes after a few dates. Get home, start fooling around, guy makes several comments about past girlfriends “not able to handle” his penis, because “[he’s] packin’.” I’m intrigued and a bit skeptical, so I pull off his boxers to see what he’s “packin'” – lo and behold, it’s average at best, and maybe even a bit below. And that’s TOTALLY FINE – except: I stop for a moment and inspect the goods, trying to decide if he’s delusional. Noticing my hesitation, he says, “What? You can’t handle me, baby? It’s only 9 inches!” Cue uncontrollable giggling, which ruined the sexytimes. Did not see the guy again.

Written by Irvi Torremoro

Irvi Torremoro is an Austinite by way of Las Vegas. She's worked in various outlets in food & beverage and is now focused on writing, eating all the things, talking about Beyonce, and petting all the puppies. She runs flavorandbounty.com, a lifestyle blog about people in the service industry.