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23 Couples Tried Porno Sex Moves and It Didn’t End Well

21.

When I was a teenager, the guy kept sticking his finger in me then into my mouth. It was annoying and I asked him to stop multiple times. He wouldn’t so I figured I would do this thing I saw on winamp porno stream. I snowballed him. He really wasn’t about that life, ended up vomiting off the side of the bed. He never did the finger thing again and we broke up a few months after.

22.

I laid my wife on the edge of the bed with her head hanging off and tried to face f*ck her. She wasn’t having it.

23.

My wife & I had set up a webcam & were watching ourselves on our TV while filming ourselves. She was riding me reverse cowboy, & I was like “f*ck, this is super hot.” So out of the blue I started slapping her clit with the tips of my fingers from behind her. Hadn’t ever thought of doing it before, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. What could go wrong? Well, wouldn’t you know, she shriveled up like a tulip in a drought. Turns out having your clit slapped isn’t always the most pleasurable experience. What’s the worst that could happen? Well I don’t know, but the blueballs I got after we had to stop from her first freaking out, then us both laughing uncontrollably about it, have both worked to prevent me from attempting that since.

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.