Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.
Gone are the days of lil ole grandma quietly reading in her favorite rocking chair while knitting sweaters for her favorite grandchildren. These days, grandma is getting crunk AF and out-partying her family with shots, strippers, and a lifetime of raucous knowledge. Who says an 85 year old woman has to relegate her golden years to mall […] More
Vacuum cleaners, jacuzzi jets, bowls of jello. Some dudes’ curiosity knows no bounds when it comes to sticking their d*cks in odd places. Just ask the one guy who stuck his junk in a toy disco ball and had to have his stepmom help him get it out. #yikes I get it. You have a dangling […] More
When hitting on someone, you need a certain amount of finesse and a sh*t ton of good intentions. Otherwise, you’ll have a very annoyed person rolling their eyes at you. And a big fat HELL NO. These people apparently don’t give any f*cks because they went on with their bad selves, their horrendous puns, and dropped some of […] More
Sometimes, when you’re just trying to live your life, help a friend move, have a menial conversation at work — you end up saying the creepiest f*cking things. Unintentionally, of course — because you’re def not a weirdo… whatsoever. Like, you really didn’t mean to insinuate that you’re a serial killer to that lady who’s buying your […] More
Aw, the hand job. The blow job’s slightly less experienced and more awkward younger sibling. Hand jobs often get a bad rap. They can be dry like the gahdamn desert, the people giving them may not know proper handie technique, and they can drag on for way too long. Hand cramps are real, y’all. But hand jobs, […] More
Hangover’s are the absolute f*cking worst. Your head’s pounding, any sudden movements and you might blow chunks all over that naked dude lying next to you, and the light — NOT THE LIGHT. When a hangover stumbles into the fetal position territory and you don’t give AF when ordering $55 worth of food on Seamless, […] More
They say there are no stupid questions, only stupid answers — but who are we kidding. People ask stupid f*cking questions all the time. And as a wonderfully tolerant and forgiving society, we mock those people relentlessly online for ever and ever and ever, amen. As teachers from around the world can attest, kids ask the […] More
Sometimes, petty people take grudges to the NEXT LEVEL, y’all. But these aren’t the kind of revenge stories about murder and duty and disgrace. No — it’s about getting back at the dude in your group project who never did any work. It’s about f*cking with your annoying sibling’s toothbrush after they wrongly blamed you for something. It’s about your […] More
Ugh — having sh*tty neighbors is the literal worst. They leave passive aggressive notes, they call the cops on you, and they’re just all around crazy people who like to take out their own desperate frustrations on YOU. And of course, you’re a quiet, sweet angel that’s never been too loud or petty or disruptive or […] More
Parents. Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em — literally. They’ll love you no matter what, but GAHD DANG do kids make it downright difficult sometimes. Kids do the darndest things, especially when they think they’re home alone. I mean, who HASN’T run around the house naked, jamming their favorite Disney song, only to be […] More
One night stands can go one of two ways. Either you wake up and realize you’ve made a grave mistake and try to get the f*ck out of there ASAP (call me a Lyft plz). OR you give yourself a congratulatory high five because DANG — they’re actually chill and hot and aren’t making things weird. […] More
Relationships fade, but wine is forever. Well, until it runs out and you have to go buy another box tomorrow night. First world problems, amirite? The art of drinking wine comes in many variations — you can pair it with delicious cheeses, you can buy that fancy bottle at dinner for your anniversary, and you […] More
