Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.
Dating — it’s a hell of a b*tch, y’all. In order to find “the one,” you have to dig and flirt and f*ck your way through a smorgasbord of possessive douchebags and manipulative, immature d*cks. You might think you have a pretty good head on your shoulders. You might think that you have an uncanny ability to […] More
Aw, puberty. Such a fun, awkward, annoying, miserable, and wonderful time. It’s a time when you’re coming into your sexuality and masturbating like there’s no tomorrow. Just make sure you lock the doors because you’re just one pubescent stroke away from getting caught pants down, d*ck out, fapping it to the JCPenny bathing suit catalog. […] More
Sometimes, people just don’t know when to keep their f*cking mouths shut. Like, maybe don’t ask the guy in the wheelchair if his d*ck works. And maybe don’t ask when that woman is “due” because she may have just had a jumbo burrito from Taco Bell and is not actually with child. #tacobabiesarebetterthanrealbabies Having kids ask inappropriate […] More
There’s nothing worse than a crazy ex. For someone that you may have previously loved and cared about, it sure gets awkward when they’re (not so) patiently waiting outside of your house at 3 o’clock in the morning with a baseball bat and the tweakiest eyes you ever did see. It’s understandable that people may take […] More
Truth or dare? A milestone game of secrets and debauchery for any adolescent, teen, or adult. And let’s be real — the older you get, the more drunk and sexual the game becomes. Orgies, anyone? While the truth or dare of yore pushes your boring friend to ding dong ditch the neighbor, the game has now evolved into […] More
Ghosts are scary AF — that’s a given (duh). But some people get scared over the weirdest, most bizarre things. For some people, whales are big scary sea ghosts, dancing noodles from a soup commercial haunt nightmares, and babies — well, babies may as well be Freddy Krueger. Phobias are a weird phenomena. You don’t get […] More
Valentine’s Day is an annoying day reserved for annoying people in annoying relationships to canoodle, gaze into their lover’s eyes, whisper sickeningly sweet nothings into each other’s ears, and f*ck each other’s genitals into wonderful oblivion. Oh yeah, and it’s a day to show the person you love how much they mean to you. But like, […] More
Kids — you pop those suckers out, love the sh*t out of em, nurture them, and care for those small “drunk people” for the next 18 years and beyond. And honestly, you wouldn’t have it any other way. Of course, as a parent, you sometimes need to shield your kids from the dark, dirty little secrets you may […] More
Everyone always thinks that dudes are the grosser of the sexes, but as these ladies can attest — girls can do some NASTY A** sh*t. Some of it’s gross, some if it’s just plain weird, but one thing’s for sure — when girls are alone, we let it all hang out. Sometimes, while home alone, all you […] More
It should be a cardinal rule of humanity that every person must work at least one year in retail or customer service. That way, everyone will know the horror, the sadness, the fury, the true desperation in dealing with disgruntled customers, getting yelled at for no reason, and my favorite — literally cleaning up people’s sh*t. But like, […] More
“Put the salad on repeat, Barbara!” “We’re all out of poop.” “I kept the cd player in the fridge so it won’t spoil.” People say the craziest sh*t when they’re asleep, and it’s an absolute riot for the person in bed next to them to listen to. You may have thought your girlfriend was a […] More
A dude wearing a bright neon tank top yells through a shotgunned beer he just annihilated and smashes it on his face. Drunk girls in the itty-bittiest bikinis flail around to a dubstep remix of Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” while grinding on a bro wearing a visor. A couple of sunburned kids from Arizona State touch […] More
