Collections of our favorite texts from TextsFromLastNight.com
Drinking can be wonderful. You drink to celebrate or mourn or forget some shit you just really want to unsee (YOU HEAR THAT MEMORY OF PARENTS HAVING SEX!? PLEASE LEAVE MY BRAIN). Drinking is a normal thing to do – even those underage lads are doing it. A glass of wine at night or going […] More
Gone are the days of vanilla sex, missionary position, and masturbating to regular ole girl on girl porn. Now, our sexual appetites have evolved into something a bit more exotic & experimental. And by that I mean, I fantasize about dipping your d*ck in a vat of queso and slobbering on it like a Tostitos […] More
Remember when you got dumped on your birthday in the middle of sex and you started crying and then she told you she was leaving you because she was in love with your best friend? Yeah, I’d try to suppress that sh*t down as far as possible, too. Getting dumped sucks. Dumping someone, on the […] More
It’s totally normal to embarrass yourself on a date. You drink a little too much wine, you get nervous and say the wrong thing – shit happens. However, it is a rare occurrence to humiliate the hell out of yourself and yet still get laid or get a second date out of the whole ordeal. It’s […] More
Flicking the bean, slapping the salami, tootin’ the ole horn, flogging the log, polishing the pearl — everyone loves to masturbate. And if you say you don’t, well, I don’t f*cking believe you. Masturbating is humanity’s favorite past time. I mean, there’s a reason our hands perfectly reach our nether regions. We evolved into some horny […] More
There are good and bad things that happen when you enter into a relationship with someone. Once you make that sh*t Facebook offish, you will most likely never agree on where to eat, little things they do might start to annoy you, and you now have to worry about another person’s feelings (ugh). It’s not […] More
Do you ever find that when you drink, you turn into the life of the party? Suddenly the people that pity laugh at your AWESOME dad jokes think you are damn hilarious. Sometimes alcohol brings out the worst in us. It makes us vomit on our computers and punch holes in windows. Other times, it […] More
For some, cheating is one of the worst things a person can do. They take it super seriously, and if their partner cheats, they are like PEACE OUT DOUCHE! But for others, cheating is just NBD. They either cheat on their SO (one time or all the time) or they help some random cheat on […] More
Dating is hard. Sometimes you’re on a not-so-magical quest to find that special someone. Other times you just want to get laid. Some people have learned to master the art of “convincing someone to fuck/blow me on a first date”. It truly is a skill, considering many people abide by that good ole’ third date […] More
Singledom is both a blessing and a curse. There are things you miss about being in a relationship (like sex whenever da F you want), but there are also things you wouldn’t want to give up for the world (laying in a pile of burger wrappers). Single people live very different lives. There are the ones […] More
Love-bites, back scratches, leg cramps, bruised d*cks and broken ribs — sometimes sex can be painful AF, y’all. And that’s not even taking into account all of the emotional pain and turmoil that goes along with f*cking your ex over and over (and over) again. When getting down, you always risk the potential of getting your […] More
Ah, the sweet smell of Thanksgiving. A pleasant, aromatic combo of turkey, beans, greens, potatoes, tomatoes and fighting with uncles twice removed at the dinner table. Truly—it’s the most wonderful time of the year. So, in celebration, we bring you some of the best texts on our site about Thanksgiving. Partake and be grateful: 1. 2. […] More
