Being in a long-term relationship is, admittedly, awesome. That said, it also involves a lot of compromise, communication, and vulnerability. And, in most cases, it involves some decidedly unromantic behavior.
The good news is: these less-than-sexy behaviors are perfectly normal, so you shouldnât feel weird or guilty about them.
Hereâs some stuff thatâs bound to come up in a multi-year relationshipâand how to not freak out too much when it does:
6. Needing some alone time.
But isnât love about being with each other at every possible moment of the day and enjoying it always??
Um, hell no.
Regardless of how much you love someone, you still need your space from time to time. And constantly being around your partner can cause you to forget what you like about them in the first place. Having some space allows you to appreciate the time you spend togetherâso donât feel guilty about needing some âyou time.â
5. Getting random, meaningless crushes on other people.
People rarely like to admit this, but just because youâre in love with someone doesnât suddenly make you immune to the charms of other people. Sure, your partner is ultimately the person you want to be with and come home to every eveningâbut that doesnât mean you arenât going to get flustered when interacting with another attractive person, or feel happy when that person flirts with you.
However, you should also be careful with crushes and not treat them as more than what they really are: a fleeting attraction which is ultimately not based on anything of substance. Itâs fine to get harmless crushes, but itâs another thing entirely to secretly message the person youâre crushing on or send them inappropriate texts. Remember that emotional cheating is still cheating.
If you find that your harmless crushes are becoming not-so-harmless, then itâs time to have a talk with your partner.
4. Revealing your gross behaviors.
Burping, farting, peeing with the door openâif youâre living with somebody, these unpleasant physical realities are bound to pop up on a semi-regular basis. But, thatâs the magic of long-term relationships: you can be vulnerable and disgusting and still trust that the other person is going to love you anyway.
Of course, if you partner politely asks that you keep the door closed when youâre going number two, or tells you that theyâd prefer it if you didnât leave your toenail clippings all over the floor, itâs probably best to edit your behavior just a little bit.
After all, living together is all about compromise.
3. Feeling a little bored from time to time.
Loving someone can make you feel pressured to constantly feel fireworks, and this expectation isnât realistic or achievable for anyone, no matter how infatuated they are. You canât expect to always feel a spark, because that is the nature of sparksâtheyâre short-lived. They happen in bursts. And just because youâre not feeling the spark right now doesnât mean you wonât feel it again later.
Long-term love is sort of like the tides: it ebbs and flows. Sometimes it feels stronger or more romantic than it does at other times, but itâs always there beneath the surface.
A good solution for this boredom is to rediscover your independence and for you and your S.O. to do separate activities from time to time. That way, when you meet up again, youâll have more things to talk about and youâll have had the opportunity to actually miss your partner.
2. Bickering over stupid sh*t.
Okay, story time: I grew up with two dogs, named June and Spud. They were best friends because they spent literally every moment of their lives together. They also growled at each other and fought all the time. However, if we separated them after they got in a fight, they would become very sad and distressedâbecause even though they bickered constantly, they couldnât stand to be away from one another.
This is my roundabout way of saying: when you spend a lot of time with a person, arguments are inevitable, no matter how much you love them. Itâs just inevitable. Half the time, itâs important to take a step back and realize that youâre not fighting over anything realâyouâre just fighting because you know each other too damn well.
1. Not feeling âin the mood.â
Sexual desire is linked to lust, and lust is frequently linked to a sense of mystery. So, itâs no surprise that, once the âmysteryâ is gone, your sex life has to adjust accordingly. After all, once you know that sex is a given, it becomes less exciting when you do it.
How to solve such a problem??
The answer is not a simple one, but it essentially involves fostering that sense of independence and mystery again. Whether that involves spending more time apart, or really become invested in your own personal hobbies again, or hanging out with new people, piquing your partnerâs curiosity is typically the best way to reinvigorate your sex life.
Also, as mentioned above, these things happen in phases. Just because your sex life isnât hot this month doesnât mean it wonât get a pick-me-up in the near future.